Those Phrases from A Father Which Saved Me during my time as a New Dad

"I think I was just just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

However the truth quickly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward words "You're not in a good spot. You must get some help. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate among men, who often absorb negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a show of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to take a respite - spending a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising you is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."